We’ve spoken with foster carers, young people and social workers on the myths about teens in foster care. In this blog we’ll cover the following points:
- Are teens in care ungrateful?
- But teens don’t really want another family do they?
- Are teens in care hard work?
- Would a teen fit in okay with my foster family?
- Are teens in care all troublemakers?
- Are teenage refugees dangerous?
- Will it feel rewarding fostering teenagers?
- Will teens in foster care trash my home?
Maybe after reading, we might change your mind about what you think about teens in foster care!
1. Are teens in care ungrateful?
Sometimes it can take a while for a child in care of any age to settle in a new home, but young people can be very loving and grateful. Sometimes the key to building a great relationship is finding out what hobbies and interest you could relate to with the teen in your care.
Local authority foster carer Jo shared: “We watch movies together, go shopping, enjoy music and gigs and go for food, which is very different with younger children. Seeing them develop into young adults is very rewarding”. She’s fostered several teens over the years and always finds that “when you discover that neutral ground, they’re much more open, they chat, and they tend to say thank you much more!”
We spoke with one of the teens in her care who said: “my foster carers gave me a second chance at family life. I’m proud to be their foster child, and grateful for all they’ve done for me.”
No matter what age, we all want to feel cared about. When foster carers take the time to show they care, and show that the young person in their care matters, it can make a huge difference.
2. But teens don’t really want another family do they?
Welcoming teens into your home may not be easy. And many people are hesitant to foster teenagers because they believe it will be too hard. As mentioned, teenagers are still looking for what every other child needs – a place to feel like they belong. A place to feel they matter, and where they’re valued.
“I’ll never forget the day he said ‘can I stay here?’ That feeling is so precious – you just want to bottle it up and keep it forever.”
Jeevan and his wife Carole were initially anxious when they started fostering teens. Using pizza as a way to break down barriers, they encouraged the teen in their care to learn new skills and grow more confident. “I don’t think he had ever been taught how to cook anything before. We took the time to help him learn – as cooking is something I love to do anyway – and he must have really appreciated that considering he wanted to stay!”
Read more here https://fosterwales.gov.wales/success-stories/jeevan-and-caroles-story/
3. Are teens in care hard work?
Many carers would say that fostering teens is a different experience, rather than a more challenging one. You’ll have more free time while they’re in school, they’re more independent, and are able to take care of themselves on a practical level.
Each of our foster carers have ways to help minimise stress, and for Helen, that’s in the form of her dog Bella: “Our dog Bella works wonders in helping the teens we foster. Both helping them settle in, and being a friendly presence that can’t judge!”
It could be that your pet is the key to a less bumpy transition for the young person moving in, in fact there has been research suggesting that having a pet in a foster family is beneficial for all.
4. Would a teen fit in okay with my foster family?
We have a robust system called ‘matching’ [link to matching blog], where we look at all the circumstances and characteristics of foster children and foster families. We work with you to make sure that the children you care for are matched well with you and will fit in with your family.
There is plenty of advice, guidance and training provided with local authority fostering to prep you for whatever type of fostering you choose.
A bit of patience, empathy and understanding goes a long way.
“I’ve never really known where I fit in, but Jenny and Kate have made me feel at ease in their home. I’m now part of their family.” – Lilly
5. Are teens in care all troublemakers?
Some of our teenagers can use behaviours to mask their feelings of pain and fear. But with the right environment, nurturing, patience and by having realistic expectations; many of our young people will go on to achieve positive outcomes. This is not easy, and you won’t see results over night. But with the support of your local Foster Wales Team you can make a huge difference.
“Teens in care may have had difficult experiences and need extra help processing their emotions…but they’re not naughty or unruly. They need someone to love and help them.” – Kristen LA SW
6. Are teenage refugees dangerous?
Mike has been Fostering refugees in Newport for over 5 years. It’s opened his eyes to different cultures, ways of living…and food! Often times teenage refugees are appreciative for the home you can give them. Their entire lives have been displaced and they’re in a Country they’ve probably never visited before. Compassion goes a very long way.
“They’ve come from a stable, loving family and then had their world torn apart as a teenager, so they don’t necessarily present the same problems [as other children I’ve fostered].
It’s broadened my understanding of different cultures…and made me realise how similar everybody is.
I know I’m making a difference. I know it.”
If you’d like to watch the video of Mike talking about fostering young refugees, the link is here.
7. Will it feel rewarding fostering teenagers?
Fostering teenagers is a hugely rewarding and often overlooked type of foster care.
The moment they realise they can trust you. Helping them build confidence and seeing that reflected in their daily life. Even those small moments where you share a smile or have ‘in-jokes’. Witnessing their growth and transformation.
Sometimes teens in care can have a lack of confidence, or feel they’re on the back foot compared to peers. Gwen shared: “When James first lived with me, he found it difficult to talk to peers and was behind in class. He’s now doing well in school and has a close group of friends. I couldn’t be more proud of him and it’s so rewarding seeing him thrive.”
A huge part of this change came from James feeling stable and cared about.
8. Will teens in foster care trash my home?
As with any child, there can be challenging behaviour sometimes.
A door might get slammed, things might get broken, just like with any children in your home. If accidents do happen, most things are easily fixed and replaced when you foster with your local authority. We’re with you, providing the skills and support you’ll need along the way.
“When I moved in with Sam and Mark, they made me feel really welcome. I went in with a bit of a reckless mindset but I think I just needed to know that someone actually cared, and they did… and still do. Their home is now my home and I love it!” – Hannah
There is a real need in Wales for families to foster teenagers, with nearly half of all looked after children in care being between the ages of 11 -18 years old.
If you’d like to know a bit more about fostering with us, please get in touch here.
If you reside outside of RCT, please head to Foster Wales and find your local authority there.
